There are times in life when we unintentionally hurt the people we love the most. Now it’s time for explanations. A hand-written letter is an excellent way to reach out to your girlfriend and let her know that you’re sorry. Expressive writing about your romantic relationships, in general, can be a helpful way to promote relationship stability and induce positive emotions within individuals. 1
Of course, what you write doesn’t have to be a 4-page letter, but please take the time to write more than just a few lines. This is an opportunity to reflect on your actions, thoughts, and feelings. Be honest with yourself and with her. Read on for tips on how to craft the perfect apology letter and get ready to make your relationship work!
Want to know how to make your girlfriend happy? Check out these tips for a healthy and fulfilling relationship, and if you need more help, head over to our relationship advice guide.
Tips on how to write an apology letter to your girlfriend
Here are some do’s, and dont’s when writing an apology letter to your girlfriend:
Do’s when writing an apology letter to your girlfriend:
1. State what you are sorry for
Make sure to clearly state what you are apologizing for. Don’t just say, “I am sorry.” Be specific and mention the things you did that hurt her feelings. This will show that you’re sincere about your apology and that you understand why she was hurt.
In the letter, try including phrases like:
- “I’m sorry for what I said, it was wrong, and I shouldn’t have said it.”
- “I’m sorry for the way I acted, I know it was wrong, and I shouldn’t have done that.”
- “I know I hurt you when I _____, and I’m sorry.”
2. Take full responsibility for your words and actions
The most important part of your apology letter is to take responsibility for your words and actions. Apologies are a great way to repair relationships, but only if they are done correctly. 2 One of the worst things you can do is to try to justify your actions or make excuses. This means that you are the one who is responsible for what happened and not your girlfriend. You need to own up to your mistake and show that you’re genuinely sorry.
3. Acknowledge how your words or actions may have hurt her feelings
Your girlfriend is likely feeling a range of emotions, including anger, frustration, sadness, and disappointment. Acknowledge how she feels and let her know that you understand. An apology showing that you care about her and want to make things right can make her feel less angry and more willing to forgive you. 3
4. Keep it short and sweet
A long, drawn-out apology letter is likely to overwhelm your girlfriend and might not be well-received. A long apology may also sound insincere as it might come across as if you’re just trying to fill up space on the page. Conflict resolution will rest on whether or not your girlfriend views your apology as trustworthy, genuine, and sincere. 4 So, it’s important to make sure your apology letter is short and to the point.
5. Make amends and show her that you are remorseful
After you’ve apologized, try to make amends and show her that you are remorseful. This might mean doing something special for her, or, even better, showing her that you’re taking steps to change your behavior. By showing her you’re remorseful, you’re hoping to rebuild the trust that was lost and to show her that you’re taking steps to improve your relationship. 5
Dont’s when writing an apology letter to your girlfriend:
1. Make excuses for what you did
Don’t try to make excuses for what you did. When you say excuses in your apology, you try to take away the responsibility from yourself and put it on someone else or the situation - and this won’t only come off as insincere, this will also likely make your girlfriend angrier and damage your relationship even further. 6
2. Minimize the situation
Don’t try to minimize the situation or downplay how your words or actions may have hurt her feelings. Apologies can backfire when the person apologizing tries to downplay the seriousness of what they did, making the victim feel like their feelings are not valid. 7 This can hinder the healing process and make it more difficult to repair the relationship.
3. Be defensive
One of the worst things you can do when writing an apology letter to your girlfriend is to be defensive. If she brings up something that you did wrong, don’t try to justify your actions or make excuses. Just admit that you were wrong and apologize. Trying to argue with her will only make things worse.
4. Play the victim
Don’t play the victim. This will only make her feel more frustrated and angry, and it won’t do anything to help resolve the situation. Take responsibility for your actions and focus on making things right. Being sincere in your apology and trying to show her that you’re taking steps to improve the relationship will help rebuild trust in your relationship. 8
5. Shift the blame
An apology that is made from the heart recognizes the apologizer’s fault and doesn’t try to shift the blame. 9 If you want to rebuild trust and improve your relationship, it’s important that you own up to what you did wrong and accept responsibility for your actions. Trying to shift the blame will only make things worse.
If you want to learn more about how to apologize effectively to your girlfriend, check out this article: 10 tips on how to apologize to your girlfriend
Now let’s take a look at some sample apology letters.
5 Sample apology letters to girlfriend
Here are some sample apology letters for you to use as a guide when writing your own apology letter to your girlfriend.
Apology letter No. 1
Dear [Girlfriend’s name],
I am sorry for the pain and hurt that I have caused you. I know that my words and actions have hurt you, and I regret them deeply. I take full responsibility for what I said and did.
I know that I have done wrong, and I am prepared to take whatever steps are necessary to make things right. I realize that I need to earn your trust back, and I am willing to work on that. I also understand that it will take time for you to forgive me, and I am prepared to wait however long it takes.
I know that I have put our relationship in jeopardy, but I am committed to trying to repair the damage that I have done. I love you.
Sincerely, [Your name]
Apology letter No. 2
Dear [Girlfriend’s name],
I’m sorry for what I did, it was wrong, and I know that. You didn’t deserve the way I treated you, and I’m sorry for the pain that I have caused you.
I hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me because I really do love you and want to make things right between us.
Thank you for sticking by me during this time, even though I don’t deserve it. You truly are an amazing girlfriend and friend.
Sincerely, [Your name]
Apology letter No. 3
Dear [Girlfriend’s name],
I am sorry for the way that I have been treating you lately. I know that I have been really distant and cold, and I have no excuse for it.
I realize that I have been taking you for granted, and that is something that I never want to do again.
There’s no excuse for the way that I have been acting, and I want to make it up to you. I am going to start by being a lot more attentive and communicative from now on.
I know that we have been through some tough times lately, but I want you to know that I love you, and I want us to work things out. I hope that you can forgive me.
Sincerely, [Your name]
Apology letter No. 4
Dear [Girlfriend’s name],
I am sorry for the pain that I have caused you. I know that I have done something terrible and that my actions have hurt you deeply. I never meant to hurt you, and I am truly sorry for what I have done.
I know that words cannot undo the damage that I have done, but I want you to know that I am remorseful and that I am taking full responsibility for my actions.
I’ll give you space if you need it, but I also want you to know that I am here for you when you are ready to talk.
Sincerely, [Your name]
Apology letter No. 5
Dear [Girlfriend’s name],
I am sorry for the way that I spoke to you. I know that my words were disrespectful and that they hurt you. I was wrong to speak to you that way, and I am sorry for my actions.
I’ll try to work on my temper so that I don’t lash out at you in the future. I also want to apologize for any pain that I have caused you.
If you’re ready to talk, I’m here for you. If you need space, I understand.
Love, [Your name]
These are only samples, so feel free to tailor the apology letter to fit your specific situation and relationship with your girlfriend. And remember, the most important thing is to be genuine, honest, and remorseful.
- Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships
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Slatcher, R. B., & Pennebaker, J. W. (2006). How do I love thee? Let me count the words: the social effects of expressive writing. Psychological science, 17(8), 660–664. doi.org ↩︎
HANNON, P.A., RUSBULT, C.E., FINKEL, E.J. and KAMASHIRO, M. (2010), In the wake of betrayal: Amends, forgiveness, and the resolution of betrayal. Personal Relationships, 17: 253-278. doi.org ↩︎
Ohbuchi, K., Kameda, M., & Agarie, N. (1989). Apology as aggression control: its role in mediating appraisal of and response to harm. Journal of personality and social psychology, 56(2), 219–227. doi.org ↩︎
Takaku, S., Weiner, B., & Ohbuchi, K.-I. (2001). A Cross-Cultural Examination of the Effects of Apology and Perspective Taking on Forgiveness. Journal of Language and Social Psychology, 20(1–2), 144–166. doi.org ↩︎
Kramer, R. M., & Tyler, T. (1995). Trust in Organizations: Frontiers of Theory and Research (1st ed.). SAGE Publications, Inc. ↩︎
Ohbuchi, K. (2010). Research on Apology: Psychology of Justification and the Function. Tohoku: Tohoku University Press. ↩︎
Freedman, G., Williams, K. D., & Beer, J. S. (2016). Softening the Blow of Social Exclusion: The Responsive Theory of Social Exclusion. Frontiers in psychology, 7, 1570. doi.org ↩︎
Greenberg, J. (1990). Looking fair vs being fair-managing impressions of organizational justice. Research in organizational behavior, 12, 111-157. ↩︎
Tavuchis, N. (1993). Mea culpa: A sociology of apology and reconciliation. Stanford University Press. ↩︎
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Amy Clark is a freelance writer who writes about relationships, marriage, and family. She has been happily married for over ten years and loves her husband and three kids. Before …
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