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Having marital issues is normal, and many times these rough patches can be worked out. If you’re unsure about the future of your marriage, however, keep an eye out for these 15 telltale signs that divorce may be on the horizon.
1. You’re constantly fighting
One of the most obvious signs that you’re stuck in an unhappy marriage is that you and your spouse are constantly fighting. If it feels like you’re spending more time arguing than you are enjoying each other’s company, it may be a sign that your marriage is in trouble.
Are you and your spouse able to have calm, constructive conversations when disagreements arise or do they quickly turn into screaming matches? In order to have a happy and healthy marriage, it’s important to be able to communicate effectively with each other. If you cannot seem to see eye-to-eye on anything, it may be time to take a deeper look at your relationship.
2. Lack of communication
Fights and arguments often stem from poor communication. Research suggests that a lack of communication is a major contributor to marital problems and can be a sign that your marriage is heading for trouble. 1
Silent treatment, not sharing your feelings, and bottling up anger are all signs that you and your spouse may need to work on your communication skills. Not being able to communicate effectively with your spouse can lead to resentment, mistrust, and a whole host of other problems.
Healthy communication is key to a happy marriage and any other long-term relationship, so if you’re not communicating with your spouse, chances are you’re in a troubled marriage.
3. One or both of you has cheated
Infidelity is one of the most common reasons why marriages end in divorce. If you or your spouse has cheated, it often can cause irreparable damage to your relationship. Trust is one of the most important foundations of a happy marriage, and once it’s been broken, it can be very difficult to rebuild.
If you’re considering staying in your marriage after an affair, it’s important to seek marriage counceling to address the underlying issues that led to the infidelity in the first place. Without addressing these issues, the chances of your marriage surviving are slim.
4. You’re not physically or emotionally attracted to each other anymore
It’s normal for the initial excitement of a relationship to fade over time, but if you’re no longer attracted to your spouse, it could be a sign that your marriage is in trouble. If you don’t find yourself attracted to your spouse physically or emotionally, it can be difficult to maintain a strong connection with them.
There are many things that can cause this problem, such as a lack of communication or intimacy, so it’s important to try to identify the root of the issue. Once you know what’s causing the problem, you can start working on fixing it.
5. You have different values and goals
If you and your spouse have different values and goals, it can be a recipe for disaster. It’s important to be on the same page when it comes to major life decisions such as having children, where you want to live, or how you want to live your life in general.
Unaligned expectations can lead to conflict, resentment, and ultimately, divorce. It’s important to discuss your values and goals early on in your relationship so that you can make sure you’re both on the same page.
6. Lack of independence
A healthy marriage is one in which both spouses have a sense of independence. If you find that you’re too dependent on your spouse, it can be a sign that your marriage is not as healthy as it should be.
Of course, it’s normal to rely on your spouse for emotional support and companionship. However, if you find that you’re relying on them for everything, it’s a sign that you need to work on developing a sense of independence.
Being too dependent on your spouse can lead to codependency, which is an unhealthy dependency on someone else. If you’re in a codependent relationship, it’s important to seek help so that you can learn how to live a healthy, independent life.
7. You have a different approach to money
Financial issues are one of the most common reasons marriages end in divorce. If you and your spouse have different approaches to money, it can be a major source of conflict. 2
For example, if you’re a saver and your spouse is a spender, you may constantly be arguing about money. Or, if you have different goals for how you want to use your money, it can also lead to conflict. It’s important to discuss your financial goals and approach to money early on in your relationship so that you can avoid these problems down the road.
8. Lack of trust
Trust is one of the most important foundations of a happy marriage. If you don’t trust your spouse, it is a major sign that your marriage is in trouble.
There are many things that can lead to a lack of trust in a relationship, such as infidelity, lies, or even just a general feeling that something is not right. If you don’t trust your spouse, it’s important to talk to them about it so that you can try to work through the issue.
9. Lack of connection
Having a connection with your partner is one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship. A lack of connection can manifest itself in different ways, such as feeling like you’re not on the same page, feeling disconnected emotionally, or feeling like you don’t share the same values. 3 If you and your spouse are unable to connect, it can be a sign that your relationship is heading for a divorce.
Oftentimes, a lack of connection is the result of a lack of communication. If you and your spouse are not communicating effectively, it can be very difficult to connect on a deeper level. So start working on your communication skills today if you want to save your marriage.
10. You’re avoiding conflicts
Too much conflict can be a warning sign that your marriage is in danger, but avoiding conflict altogether can be just as problematic. If you’re not dealing with the issues in your marriage, they will only fester and grow until they eventually explode.
It’s important to learn how to deal with conflict in a healthy way so that you can resolve the issues in your marriage. Also, ask yourself if there are any underlying issues that you’re avoiding. If so, you need to deal with them sooner rather than later.
11. Lack of respect
Lack of respect shows up in many different ways, but all forms of disrespect are harmful to any relationship. For example, you may disrespect your spouse by talking down to them, making sarcastic remarks about them, or disregarding their feelings.
If you are the one who is constantly disrespecting your spouse, it’s important to ask yourself why. Often, a lack of respect is a sign of underlying anger or resentment. If this is the case, you need to deal with these issues so that they don’t destroy your marriage.
And if you’re on the receiving end of disrespect, it’s important to communicate with your spouse about how their behavior is affecting you. You should not tolerate being disrespected in any way.
12. You don’t spend much time together
One of the biggest problems in many marriages is that couples don’t spend enough time together. With work, kids, and other obligations, it’s easy to let your relationship take a backseat. But if you’re not making time for your marriage, it’s going to suffer.
It’s important to schedule regular date nights or even just regular times where you can focus on your relationship. Even if it’s just an hour here or there, it can make a big difference.
13. You don’t have much fun together
Be honest with yourself: when was the last time you and your spouse had a good laugh together? If it’s been a while, it could be a sign that your marriage is in distress.
Unfortunately, having fun isn’t something you can just force, but there are things you can do to try to inject some fun back into your relationship.
Maybe you can plan a fun weekend getaway or take a dance class together. Whatever it is, make an effort to have some fun together and see if it makes a difference.
14. You have no interest in sex
It’s normal for couples to have different levels of sexual desire, but if you have no interest in sex whatsoever, it could be a sign that your marriage is in trouble. A lack of sexual intimacy can lead to feelings of distance and resentment.
If you’re not interested in sex, it’s important to figure out why. It could be a physical issue, an emotional issue, or something else entirely. Once you figure out the root cause, you can start working on fixing the problem.
15. You’re thinking about divorce
Of course, one of the clearest signs that your marriage is heading for a divorce is if you’re thinking about it yourself. If you’re constantly wondering if your marriage is going to make it, it’s likely that it’s not.
If you’re seriously considering divorce, it’s important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you work through the issues in your marriage and decide if divorce is really the best option for you.
No one wants to think about their marriage ending in divorce, but unfortunately, it happens all too often. If you’re worried that your marriage might be headed for a divorce, pay attention to these warning signs. If you need more help, head over to our marriage advice guide.
- The Single Girl's Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids, and His Ex-Wife: Becoming A Stepmother With Humor And Grace
- For Married Men Only: Three Principles for Loving Your Wife
- Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex
- The Emotionally Healthy Marriage: Growing Closer by Understanding Each Other
Boyd, D. (2006). Communication in Marriage. ↩︎
J. Dew, S. Britt, S. Huston (2012). Examining the relationship between financial issues and divorce. onlinelibrary.wiley.com ↩︎
T.C. Taggart, S.M. Bannon, J.F. Hammett (2019). Personality traits moderate the association between conflict resolution and subsequent relationship satisfaction in dating couples. sciencedirect.com ↩︎
James Mendoza
James Mendoza is a freelance writer who specializes in writing about relationships, marriage, and living happily as a single. After getting through two divorces and being cheated …
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